fantasies of plastic

[Toast]

My childhood memories are generally good. That in mind, Ive always wondered something.

Did anyone ever pretend to be the minesweeper guy? I always killed him first. So lame...I mean walking around with a metal detector? During a heated conflict between the green and beige armies? Come on! are you aware that the kneeling bazooka guy is far more dangerous than a mine? And how about the dude waving everyone on with the pistol? yeah, like he'd live more than 15 seconds in battle.

I always liked the prone M-16 sniper guy with the 45 degree angle to his body. Now THAT was a real army man. I know what you're thinking, what about the crouching M-60 machine gunner? Yeah, I guess he was cool, but I always figured everyone was after him because he had so much firepower he drew a bunch of attention. I'm sure thats what the grenade thrower was aiming at. Ever notice how his pose resembled Jesus on the crucifix? I wonder if the army man designer did that on purpose. anyway, I guess I long for the days of waging battles in my room over DIRTY LAUNDRY hill.

Oh, I almost forgot the sissiest guy, the squatting radio man. He was always quick to die. Right after the crazy dude just running full speed while holding his M-16 by the top handle....great strategic approach man....and how come you never stay standing unless I constantly tweak on your kidney shaped base? You deserve to die early just for the frustration you caused me. Dork cant even stand up unless you wedge his base into the carpet.

So, in order of coolness...
1 prone 45 degree M-16 sniper dude
2 kneeling rifleman
3 standing rifleman
4 crouching M-60 guy (would have been 3rd except he had no base so he was a bit unstable)
5 a toss up between kneeling bazooka and flame thrower guy
6 Jesus the grenade thrower
7 charging moron who always fell over
8 retarded officer who brought his pistol to a war
9 squatting radioman
Lamest: minesweeper dude (only damage he ever did was to your feet if you forgot to pick him up)

note, the tank is disqualified because it ran on those 4 wheels instead of its tracks

out,
Bitchen Dude

P.S. I think green was the toughest. They won almost every battle for the shoe fort.

[angered board member]

Paul.....turn off that stupid filter....its P I S S I N G me off!

[Battling American]

I think they ought to create some new plastic army men.
1. Iraqi surrenderer-arms raised-smells of b.o.
2. Weapons inspector- with special blind cane
3. Lesbian prison M.P. with testicle battery and casually dangling cigarette
4. New regime iraqi soldier- able to talk out of both sides of his mouth and has a special backstabbing action
French Soldier-Invisible, condescending, and faces wrong direction
5. German soldier- fits snuggly inside of french soldiers buttocks
6.John Kerry-Swift boat Captain-able to talk out of both sides of his mouth and has a special backstabbing action.
7.National guard hurricane rescue soldier- cannot enter Louisiana or rescue black people

[Baatling American]

P.S.
I agree with you. Prone 45 degree M-16 sniper dude rocks!

[darnell]

plus a firecracker fit snuggly between his legs

[Not an Army guy]

Don't all guys have a firecracker between their legs??

[Not not an army guy]

Yes, I actually have a used, soggy roman candle sewn into the inseam of my pants right now.