A Loving Mother

[Wife]

Nick has always been my favorite kid. I love Jake and Jessica, but they have some faults that make them unlovable. Mostly, it is that Jake and Jessica have never been able to discriminate between me and a vomit bucket. Nick has NEVER spilled one drop of viral-infested bile on me, in my hair, on my clothing or, worst of all, in my mouth. I love Nick so much.

This love is so strong, that I forgave him last week for making me witness the grossest thing I could imagine. He was ill with a virus and was throwing up again when he screamed, "MOM! THIS IS SO COOL!!!"

Yes, It was vomit streaming out his nose. And he was smiling as he was yaking through his nose because this was the coolest thing that had ever happened in his life.

And I got to share that moment with him. I am so lucky.

[DrPhil]

It is sad that the highlight of your day or even week is watching your son stream vomit from his nose. What has Bob done to you? I wonder, if this was the highlight, what type of living hell is the rest of the week?

[Patient Anne]

Well, Dr. Phil. The last line reads in a sarcastic tone. You may find that to be a helpful hint. While it is difficult to think that I may actually use sarcasm, being all sweet and delicate like I am, I do occassionally venture away from my normal demeanor and embrace tones of sardonic and bitter verbosity.

I find it interesting that you failed to be impressed with Nick's feat. As I know that wit and charm would be lost on you, Dr. Phil, I will just be blunt. LOSER!!

My love is only for Paul.